IBW Fishin’ Report

by Pat Cunningham

After two weekdays of perfect fall weather, I surrendered to the itch, and decided it was time for the International Broomball Wizards to go fishing. The day was Friday, Sept. 29. "Hooky Friday" was supposed to be the third perfect day - it didn’t happen. The rain gauge in Mendota Heights indicated that over one inch fell during the nine hour fishing expedition.

Previous to the rain, each teammate (* less three) was excited about the second opportunity to get together since the banquet in June. * AWOL from agreeing to "Hooky Friday" was : 1) Our Coach, who had a last minute business trip to L.A., 2) Trauma Boy, who seemed impossible to locate, 3) Dave, the "Bus Boy", who is still suffering from making the occasional rookie decision - and stayed at home and served drinks to his new bride and her sister.

In a steady drizzle, the team wheelbarrow transported the first of the provisions and my tripod grill to the usual Hidden Falls Carp hotspot. A fire ring was quickly established, and fishing started at 2:00 p.m. By the time the balance of the Front Office arrived, PJ’s portable gazebo was solidly anchored on the riverbank, and illuminated by the orange glow of the campfire. A point to remember for later in the story, PJ decided to move the gazebo over the fire ring after the fire settled down. That’s right I said Gazebo !

With historic Fort Snelling looming above, PJ’s gazebo looked like a yuppie teepee. Dinner consisted of spicy Italian sausage and canned chili. With a steady rain coming down at a 35 degree angle, Carl was the last teammate to join the hearty crew. The Front Office concurred that perhaps, Carl, this two-time MVP winner may have what it takes to be our next coach. Flattered, I’m sure Carl went home and dreamt of the thrill it would be to coach the IBW into the year 2000.

As the night progressed, the once dry creek bed turned into an angry frothy brown mess pouring into a larger brown mess - the Mississippi river. The German Octoberfests gone, the teammates were dipping into PJ’s horrid Pig’s Eye Lean. Conversation shifted from boasting of a St. Paul "D" league division title, to Joe’s inability to secure ice time.

When the Park Ranger arrived, he seemed baffled as what to make of this collection of Broomball players huddled under a gazebo in the driving rain, so he muttered something about not being allowed to drink in the park and went away. The laughter was still echoing from under the gazebo, regarding plans to hang a pair of Joe’s pants from a flag pole, when the Park Ranger returned to our site along with a second Park Ranger. It became evident that neither Ranger was interested in whether we were drinking beer or not; I think the second Ranger did not believe the first Park Ranger, until he could see it with his own eyes. After some light conversation, both Rangers walked away without giving us any advice or instructions to vacate the park. Yep, there we were, in the rain and under a gazebo on the banks of the Mississippi.

After a while longer, we all agreed that it was time to break camp and head for home. Now, anyone who has been fishing with PJ, Quiche and Woody knows that there is a certain amount of combined ceremony each of these teammates take in breaking camp. A smart Broomballer knows to take a couple of steps back and enjoy the show. PJ will take everything he can find, and throw it in the fire. PJ seems unintimidated or unaware of the Universal Laws of Science, and believes everything can and should burn. On this night PJ seemed more determined than ever. The creator felt compelled to destroy the gazebo monster PJ brought onto the river bank. PJ threw a cardboard box onto the fire, and when it ignited, the flames melted a huge hole in the gazebo roof. Remember, PJ moved his gazebo directly over the campfire! At that point, PJ separated himself from his gazebo, never wanting to see it again. The closing drama continued when Woody and Quiche took over and attacked the campfire with an over-zealous amount of water. Bear in mind that the river bank had been saturated with rain for nine hours. PJ’s reaction to the exploits of the two ex-boyscouts is a study in human behavior.

The fire out, the fishing expedition ended with Woody taking the grand portage and pushing the wheelbarrow up the hill.

Coach Ahmann vows another fishing expedition for this fall. Each team member should do what he can to attend these inspiring expeditions.

Oh yeah, one fish was on the line, but it was never brought to shore.

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