America’s Oldest Broomball Team

by Pat Cunningham

Timidly, teammates have asked me, "Ace, … are we really America’s Oldest Broomball Team ™ ?"

As time goes on, my thoughts on responding to this question is to be as subtle as a lumber truck at a deer (lawn dog) crossing. From an objective point of view, there is no quantifiable way to substantiate this claim. However if we move to the subjective side of the debate, we could build a case for ourselves :

1. More than likely, citizens of Minnesota have been playing Broomball longer than any other state in the union.
2. The Broomball teams that have been around the longest are probably the upper level teams. These "All-star" teams tend to be very dynamic, and players move from team to team. The Wizards have been essentially the same team for 20 years, and playing in the same outdoor (real broomball) league.
3. There are no ethical reasons why we can’t make this claim. We are not in a position to gain financially by making this claim.
4. We have no knowledge that we are not "America’s Oldest Broomball Team ™."
5. It’s been on print and embroidery.
6. Etc, etc.
7. And finally we are the first to claim that we are "America’s Oldest Broomball Team ™."

Sometimes in life you’ve just gotta grab the bull by the scrotum and make something happen. Because if you wait around for someone to make your life more entertaining, and you feel you have to ask permission for anything you do that is out of the ordinary, you’re like a deer lost in the headlights. In the 1978 movie Animal House, when everyone was bummed out about being expelled from Faber College. Bluto, a bit misdirected inspired his fraternity brothers by asking, "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?" You know how the picture ended. So when you’re wearing your jacket or jersey this season and someone asks you, "… are you really America’s Oldest Broomball Team ™ ?" You can look them in the eye and tell them, "Hell yes we are!"

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